January is often a time for reflection. The year that is past fades, the new year emerges and we turn to the thought of spring. It is perhaps natural that we also think to make ‘resolutions’ for the year ahead. New Year resolutions can be hard to stick to. There is something about their absoluteness that leads us to feel failure as soon as we don’t manage to stick to them. We can be more nurturing and kind to ourselves by instead choosing to set intentions - on whatever time scale works for us. We might choose to set intentions for the coming weeks, or simply to reflect at the end of the day and set a new intention for the next day. Intentions enable us to be more flexible and more considered. We become more able to enjoy the journey, and to care for ourselves.
Setting hard and fast rules or worrying about the past and the future rarely goes well. Instead, if we shift our way of thinking and turn our attention to developing our awareness, on presence, and on compassion for ourselves and others, we are able to embrace a more long-lasting change. An intention is not a goal to be ticked off a check list. When we set intentions we are often more authentic, because we are not holding ourselves to unrealistic expectations.
“They [intentions] are more internal ways of being that you embody in the present moment versus things you feel you have to do. While goals are static, intentions have a softer energy to them and will ebb and flow as you grow as a person.”
Dr. Megan E Johnson
When it comes to the children in our lives, sometimes the simpler the intention, the better. It might be to try and remember to apologise to them when we get things wrong. It might be to catch ourselves when we are too focused on screens, and not enough on the moment at hand. It might be to allow our emotions to surface, but also allow them to pass through so that we don’t stay bound to them and ruled by them. It might simply be to notice more, and do less. These aren’t hard and fast rules. They are more a note to self that we will keep being the best version of ourselves we can, acknowledging that what this looks like may change day to day. A commitment to ourselves and others that we will gently keep trying to find the rhythm of life that works for ourselves and those close to us.
Making intentions part of our daily lives means being willing to be honest with ourselves as to where things have not gone as well as we might have hoped, but at the same time challenging ourselves not to experience this as failure. We remove the fear of judgement. Kindness to self is key. When it comes to the children in our lives, this is so important, because we want to model this to them too. When setting intentions it can be helpful to reflect on the values that are of importance to us, and use these as a starting point. Are we living, communicating and relating to others in a way that sits well with our own values, or are there intentions we can set that might lead to some gentle (or giant!) shifts in perspective?
Whatever we choose to set as our intentions, we need to do so with gentleness, kindness, and authenticity. It is okay to take our time. It is okay to keep reminding ourselves we are doing our best. It is okay to have a day where our intentions are forgotten for a while. It is also okay to share our intentions with others. Children may even like to join in and set their own intentions, giving them the opportunity to experience the value of commitment to others, and compassion to self.