Starting nursery is a big step for parents and children alike. It is sometimes the first time a parent has left their child in the care of someone else, and is also often mixed up with the stress of returning to work, separation anxiety and a multitude of other parenting experiences such as weaning, sleep regressions, the ‘terrific twos’ and so on! It is a new adventure that can bring a mixture of excitement, anxiety, joy and a commitment to embracing the change that is taking place.
Here are some top tips for how to help your child during the settling in process…
1. Have faith they are in a safe place where they can be happy & well cared for. If you are dropping them off feeling uncertain they will pick up on this. If you genuinely do feel uncertain, talk to the nursery or childminder for reassurance & to ask the questions you would like to ask.
2. Don’t try and persuade them not to cry with promises or bribes (“if you’re a good girl and don’t cry I’ll get you a present after nursery”) - this makes the focus about stopping crying rather than on processing their feelings. Crying isn’t easy for us to see but it’s better that they are free to authentically let out how they feel rather then feeling pressured to hide their emotions.
3. Try not to promise them they’ll have a good day! They might not, and that’s okay. In that moment they don’t want to go to nursery so telling them they’ll enjoy it (even if this is true!) is meaningless. Focus instead on validating how they feel.
4. Validate, validate, validate. If they say they don’t want to go, or are crying, try saying, “I understand you don’t want to go to nursery today and I’m so sorry that’s so tough”.
6. Try having matching soft toys (e.g. small hearts) that you each have one of & can hold when you’re missing each other.
7. Some parents like the idea of the “button” on the wrist - you draw a heart on your wrist & your child’s & they can press it when they want to have a hug or feel connected.
8. Ask the nursery - or print pictures from the website - for photos of the rooms & people so you can make them into a little book for your child to look through with you.
Starting nursery is the beginning of an exciting adventure for your child. They will meet new people, have exciting new opportunities for play and learning, and they will learn more about themselves and the world around them. Our task is to support them in knowing it is okay to struggle with the new journey at times, while also being able to embark on it grounded in the security and confidence of their relationships with us. This comes from validating their feelings, honouring their challenges, and ultimately being there to offer understanding, unconditional love and support.