Emotions are a fundamental part of who we are as humans. Children have them in bucket loads, just as we do, and they are very good at displaying them. Sometimes they may be able to verbalise how they feel, but more often than not they show us through their behaviour and actions.
To help children’s well-being one of the most important things we can do is to take the time to support them with understanding their emotions, and with being able to communicate them appropriately. Children need to be able to express themselves without fear of judgment, knowing they will be met by an adult who is grounded, emotionally invested and committed to supporting them with love, kindness and respect.
Emotional intelligence and literacy are both connected with how we understand, express and respond to emotion. Emotional intelligence is how we understand our own and other people’s emotions, including being able to show empathy, while emotional literacy is about how we express and communicate our feelings, as well as how we read other people’s feelings.
When children have emotional intelligence and literacy, they are able to develop better social relationships, more self-awareness, more appropriate ways of communicating how they feel, as well as improved self-regulation. They become aware of their emotions, but not ruled by them.
Here are our top tips for supporting children’s development of emotional literacy and intelligence…
Name feelings in a kind and non-judgemental way. When children associate feelings with a real experience they will be able to learn about them, and they will also feel validated.
Accept how your child is feeling without judgement or blame, and irrespective of the behaviour that comes with it. As Daniel Siegel explains, “Say yes to the feelings, even as we say no to the behaviour”.
Recognise that behaviour is generally a way of communicating a feeling and respond to the feeling inside rather than the behaviour.
Teach empathy by showing empathy. When a child does something ‘wrong’ it is important to still show empathy for how they are feeling, even if we also need to make it clear the behaviour wasn’t ok.
Role model and teach alternative ways of handling and expressing feelings. This might include breathing, mindfulness, physical activity, creative expression or talking.
Children are primed for learning in their early years, and this is the ideal time to start supporting them with learning about their own, and other people’s emotions. It isn’t always easy to remember that behaviour is a form of communication, but when we take a different perspective it means there is real opportunity for supportive learning and development to take place.
The other thing that it can be helpful to remember is not to have higher expectations of children than we have of ourselves. We don’t always manage to communicate as we would like, or manage our feelings as well as we would hope…a young child with a brain still in development certainly can’t either! When we accept the emotions a child is experiencing with presence and openness, we create space for them to be acknowledged and to pass.